This is looking promising to me - sweet, simple, heart-warming; indeed, in tone and in terms of the final reveal of the 'beach scene', I'm very much put in mind of the Bear and the Hare John Lewis advert: just watch it now in terms of pace, mood and the sweetness of the final reveal:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XqWig2WARb0
I like the idea of the postcard being blown away from a cruise ship and ending up in the hands of the eskimo - that's a lovely filmic touch, and I think it could be a bit more elaborate; so your story starts as a cruise ship pulls away from some tropical paradise; we're quickly shown someone on deck writing a postcard depicting the same island complete with deckchair etc, which gets gusted into the air; I think then, we could see the postcard travel for many thousands of miles, passing planes and birds etc until we see it arrive with the eskimo - I think you could accomplish all of this very quickly, using a single fluid camera move - a 10 - 12 sec sequence? As I type, I'm reminded too of this animation:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CnEv-6_mOdw
In terms of the mother/son relationship, I wonder if you need her to tell him he can't go; perhaps she's just watching him, noticing how the postcard is making him sad; watching him from a far, as he keeps going outside, looking for palm trees etc; finally, the little boy gives up, goes to bed etc, - and then, in Bear and Hare-style, the boy steps outside and sees the recreation of the paradise, complete with a deckchair made from eskimo stuff and palm trees created by walruses doing headstands with their tails like leaves etc. Which brings me onto another idea - which is that it's not just the mother who notices the little boy is unhappy; perhaps there are some additional animals etc. who help the mother create the recreation? To make the third act reveal work, I think the beach recreation needs to include things we've already encountered in act 2 - so objects/animals/things re-purposed to create the beach scene. I also think that the final scene needs to be very beautiful - the arctic sun bathing everything in extraordinary light etc....
So - yes- you're onto something here for sure - but watch the Bear and the Hare in terms of staging and final emotional punch!
OGR 22/01/2015
ReplyDeleteHey Brem,
This is looking promising to me - sweet, simple, heart-warming; indeed, in tone and in terms of the final reveal of the 'beach scene', I'm very much put in mind of the Bear and the Hare John Lewis advert: just watch it now in terms of pace, mood and the sweetness of the final reveal:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XqWig2WARb0
I like the idea of the postcard being blown away from a cruise ship and ending up in the hands of the eskimo - that's a lovely filmic touch, and I think it could be a bit more elaborate; so your story starts as a cruise ship pulls away from some tropical paradise; we're quickly shown someone on deck writing a postcard depicting the same island complete with deckchair etc, which gets gusted into the air; I think then, we could see the postcard travel for many thousands of miles, passing planes and birds etc until we see it arrive with the eskimo - I think you could accomplish all of this very quickly, using a single fluid camera move - a 10 - 12 sec sequence? As I type, I'm reminded too of this animation:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CnEv-6_mOdw
In terms of the mother/son relationship, I wonder if you need her to tell him he can't go; perhaps she's just watching him, noticing how the postcard is making him sad; watching him from a far, as he keeps going outside, looking for palm trees etc; finally, the little boy gives up, goes to bed etc, - and then, in Bear and Hare-style, the boy steps outside and sees the recreation of the paradise, complete with a deckchair made from eskimo stuff and palm trees created by walruses doing headstands with their tails like leaves etc. Which brings me onto another idea - which is that it's not just the mother who notices the little boy is unhappy; perhaps there are some additional animals etc. who help the mother create the recreation? To make the third act reveal work, I think the beach recreation needs to include things we've already encountered in act 2 - so objects/animals/things re-purposed to create the beach scene. I also think that the final scene needs to be very beautiful - the arctic sun bathing everything in extraordinary light etc....
So - yes- you're onto something here for sure - but watch the Bear and the Hare in terms of staging and final emotional punch!